I can't cry.
At least not for the things I'm supposed to cry about.
A while ago, my friend and I watched The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I was so deeply moved by some parts of the film because I could relate so much. It was moving to the point that I wanted to cry. But guess what? I didn't. Rather, I couldn't. The tears were on the verge of falling but they just clung to my lashes. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get them to flow.
It wasn't just during the movie. It happens almost all the time. I haven't had a good cry in weeks, probably months. It's not healthy. Everyone needs a good cry once in a while; it's therapeutic. Considering the things I've been feeling and going through recently, I really should cry. It's the only way to get that heavy feeling off my chest that I have almost everyday. And I want nothing more than to do that. But I just can't seem to.
It hurts to feel heartbreak or sadness or things like that but it hurts even more if I can't cry it out. Writing about it helps but I just want to cry, dammit! It's easier, it's faster, and I know damn well that it's more effective.
I know it's pathetic to cry over some of the things I'm feeling but I don't care. Crying will help me move on faster. Crying will help me accept things easier. Why won't my tear ducts just cooperate? At this point, I'd much rather have uncontrollable crying than uncontrollable non-crying.
I am such a mess,
Louise
